The Rise and Fall…and Rise of Greg Oden
On June 28, 2007 the Portland Trail Blazers selected Greg Oden with the number one overall pick. There was a lot of buzz surrounding Oden entering the 2007-2008 season, after a great freshman year at Ohio State University. It looked like Oden was exactly what the Trailblazers needed to turn their struggling franchise around.
Unfortunately, that was not the outcome. Oden missed his entire rookie season after having microfacture surgery on his right knee. Oden then missed many games of the next two seasons due to various foot and knee injuries. So far, Old Greg has only played in 82 games in his entire career…that’s one full NBA season over the span of four years.
On March 15, 2012, our favorite bearded buckeye was waived by the Blazers. So, it seems that Oden’s NBA career may not pan because of injuries, but there are still plenty of careers that Oden can make his own such as…
- Falconry - There aren’t any household names in the sport of falconry, and Greg Oden can change that. The object of the hunting sport falconry is to train a bird of prey to fly free while hunting for a target and return to the falconer. Oden has learned the importance of patience and discipline while being injured and that can translate well in falconry. There is a good chance Oden can become the first former NBA number one pick to falconer extraordinaire.
- Star of Kazaam 2 - Former NBA big man Shaquille O’Neal starred in the theatrical genie thriller Kazaam in 1996. The movie opened up to poor reviews and is considered one of the worse movies ever made. In a time where Hollywood is all about sequels and reboots, it looks like Greg Oden can turn the once failed franchise around and star in the Kazaam sequel, “Kazaam Returns…To Make It Rain More Candy”.
- Portland-based Trail Blazer Salesman– The title of this position is very similar to Greg Oden’s last career. Oden can become a Chevrolet Trail Blazer salesman in the greater Portland area. People know that injury-ridden Oden will sell an automobile that both prioritizes in safety and will get your child to basketball practice on time.
- Suit-wearer – The man has played about 82 games in about 4 years. That is the equivalent to 1 season in uniform, and 3 seasons wearing various suit jackets. It’s about time the man gets paid to do so. After Portland games they should add “Greg Oden’s suit brought to you by Van Heusen.” I know Van Heusen is like the Pert Plus of suits, but come on, the guy needs like 16 yards of cloth for every outfit. Get out there and get paid, Greg, get paid to do what you do best.
- Athletic Commentator Legionnaire – Did you see what I did there? I’m not sure what a legionnaire really is, but who does? I’m also not sure how well versed Greg is, but he can be trained to be a decent sideline reporter. “We’ve got Greg Oden courtside – Greg, how’s the weather up there?” “Not too bad, guys” “Thanks, Greg.” Dynamite.
- Host of a History Channel show – Who wouldn’t want to see Greg Oden travel the continental United States shoveling obscene amounts of food down his gullet, or antiquing throughout the Midwest. So far all the hosts of these shows are overweight white bro’s, why not big ole Greg Oden? Here are some ideas: Nothin’ but the Bottom of the Nets! – A show where Greg tours different net museums and determines the historical value of nets. Odenized! – A show where Greg visits inner-city basketball leagues and makes each team shower him in food and gifts in hopes of him joining their team. In the end, he doesn’t join any team and instead runs off with all their food – Odenized! And finally Greg’s Catz – Oden roams the country helping people overcome their fears of cats.
FUN FACTS:
- Greg’s middle name is Wayne.
- He never lost a home game while in high-school or college.
- His younger brother Anthony played football for the Arkansas Razorbacks until he was dismissed from the team in 2011.
- Oden was named Mr. Basketball in the state of Indiana in 2006.
- Posted by Dan Bayer & Quinn Meyers, Ayo Kdoe Productions
